Porta-Potty Pressure Cooker - Part 1 - The Introduction

This post (the first in a four part series) is a month late. I started writing it, and it kept growing. The more I sat down and wrote on it, the more I wanted to say, and the longer it got. Since it was (collectively) a HUGE post, it got put on the back burner.

I recently read a post by My Family and Other Animals titled Pioneer of Blogging. Towards the end of the post she talked about her husband and (I think) teased him a bit about having to take one of their children to a public restroom. Upon reading this, I was inspired to finish the yet-unfinished post with some similar content...

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Porta-Potty Pressure Cooker - Part 1 - The Introduction

Before I head any further into this story, I need to explain something to any new readers. I HATE PUBLIC BATHROOMS... Hate 'em. Can't stand 'em. Having to choose between messing myself and using a public restroom... I'd have to seriously consider my options.. SERIOUSLY... CONSIDER... THEM...

Many of you know (and for the sake of those that do not), I suffer with a pretty significant case of Paruresis / Parcopresis. Some times it's a "germ thing" (have you seen the inside of a men's restroom?), but most of the time it's about it being a "Public Restroom Thing". Not until many years later, while reading the Strategies listed on the Wikipedia Page that I realized (without knowing it) that I utilize 14 of the 19 listed strategies. (That's a whopping 74%)

Add to this, a God (with what I believe may be a wild sense of humor) who would team me up with children that (much like wild animals) have a natural instinct to "mark their territory"... EVERYWHERE... You are left with the fact that we are unable to go anywhere, and I... MEAN... ANYWHERE... without having to use the bathroom - and often, several times.
Does it matter that they "just went" at the last store? No... They have to go here too.

Does it matter that the next stop (in a mere 15 minutes) is our home? No... They can't "hold it" for another few minutes..
So, more often than I care to think about, (and against every fiber of my being) I find myself inside a public restroom.
Now you know more about me that you EVER cared to...
While at this years Summerfete celebration, my children were unable (like they always are) to maintain composure of their bladders and / or bowels. My wife (bless her public-restroom-loving-heart) knows to what extent I will go, in order to "not go", or even "enter" a public restroom.
I think there have been a couple of times that I have successfully shocked her with how far I will go in order to "not go"...
Again, blessing her (public-restroom-loving) heart - she will almost always take the kids to the bathroom... almost... And as much as I appreciate this (which is more than she will ever realize), she too has her limits.

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Hmmm... That sounds like some "foreshadowing", and perhaps a little "segue" into Part 2!

Stay tuned...

1 comment:

  1. While I realize this is a four part series, I am going to comment here, at the start. You and Topher could have quite the conversation regarding this topic. He too does NOT like public restrooms, and like you, will avoid having to use them at all costs. Let's just say, he knows where all the "nice and clean" public restrooms are in major places, like MOA, the State Fair, Valleyfair, and other such locals. Did you know Macys has a very nice, and very clean public restroom at MOA? Anyway, just wanted to let you know you are NOT alone with this "issue". One more thing, I am CERTAIN your days of dispatching has increased your bladder control allowing you to wait for that perfect restroom?

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