Just a Little Warning

I am going to apologize ahead of time for all of you with delicate sensibilities.  If you are easily offended, or have some sort of pre-conceived notion about what a sensible, responsible, and mature kind of guy I am, you may want to consider passing right by this post. 

If you choose to continue, consider yourself warned…  You are heading down a road that once you start, you can never come back from.  I fear your image of me will be forever tainted.

This is a follow up post to FOF Observation #18

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Tonight, #2 of 5, #3 of 5 and I had a “guys night out”.  #3 of 5 had some money for a PSP game, and since he is making a 6 hour road trip next week (more on that later) we agreed to let him buy one.

After about an hour in GameStop (a video game store that buys and sells used games), it was upon the suggestion of The Mother of Five that we dined out.  I gave the boys two choices… 

Subway, or….  White Castle

Immediately #2 of 5 went for the Whities!   #3 of 5 said he did not care, but quickly realized that since his mother was not present, that I was not just joking around!  He quickly changed his mind and agreed to Whities for some “sliders”!

While at White Castle, we ran into another member of the boy’s Scout Troop.  They sat next to us, and we visited while we ate.  Somewhere during dinner, the conversation turned to jail, getting arrested, and “body cavity searches” 

Don’t ask.  They are pubescent teen boys.  That is what they talk (and laugh) about – Yes, even during dinner.

After we left, the conversation only got “better”…  Not only did it get better, but their dad (yeah, that would be me) even joined in…

After consuming copious amounts of White Castle, and after too many jokes about potential nightmarish smells (stemming from body cavity searches) the conversation quickly turned “Gaseous” in nature…

As the “Gaseous” conversation continued we found ourselves inspired, and decided to start up a new band!  We named the band, and the members of the band. 

Tears were flowing from the laughter!  I even had a hard time breathing. #2 of 5 said he could not stop laughing because I was laughing so hard.  It was both viral and contagious! 

At one point, #3 of 5 even asked me if I needed to pull the car over because I was laughing so hard! 

Was our conversation borderline disgustingly inappropriate?  Yes, maybe.  But we laughed so hard, and had so much fun doing it, how could it be bad? 

I am certain at some point you will figure this out – but just in case you don’t – I put a link or two at the bottom.

Announcer:  Tonight, for one night only, Jam Till You Are Def Records, and Charmin Bathroom Tissue are proud to bring to you the one and only, never duplicated, Grammy award winning musical talents of one of America’s leading college humor rock bands.  Ladies, and gentlemen, will you please put your hands together for the musical talents of….  “DUTCH OVEN

(Crowd goes wild!  Yelling, screaming, crying, gnashing of teeth)

Lead Singer of Dutch Oven:  Hello Minneapolis!!  We are so glad to be here tonight!  Are you ready to have your socks rocked off?  Because tonight, Dutch Oven is going blow the roof of this place!!  But, before we do, I would like to introduce to you the members of Dutch Oven!!!

(Crowd goes wild!  Yelling, screaming, crying, gnashing of teeth)

Lead Singer of Dutch Oven:  Wow!  You guys are the greatest!  It’s fans like you that make it all worth while!  Well, let’s waste any more time, and get to it!  Allow me to introduce you to the members of Dutch Oven!!! 

(Crowd goes wild!  Yelling, screaming, crying, gnashing of teeth)

Lead Singer of Dutch Oven:  Dutch Oven is…  On bass – the guy who puts the funky beats down, and knows how to make his presence known in a crowd of people, will you please give it up for “BEEFY

(Crowd goes wild!  Yelling, screaming, crying, gnashing of teeth)

Lead Singer of Dutch Oven:  Amazing reception folks!  Truly amazing!  On the other side of the stage, behind the awesome riffs, and sick shreds on lead guitar…  A guy that leaves a trail wherever he goes!  Put your hands together for the almost “liquid” guitar skills of …  “GREASY”!! 

(Crowd goes wild!  Yelling, screaming, crying, gnashing of teeth)

Lead Singer of Dutch Oven:  Folks here in Minneapolis sure know how to make a feller feel welcome!!  Thanks everyone.  But Dutch Oven would not be as “Potent” as it is, without the amazing beats and percussion, from the guy who knows how to empty a room…  The guy behind the drums!!  The one, the only…  “B & CB”!!  (Bean and Cheese Burrito)

(Crowd goes wild!  Yelling, screaming, crying, gnashing of teeth)

Lead Singer of Dutch Oven:  And finally, the guy who puts it all together.  The voice behind Dutch Oven…  Would you give ME a round of applause – for I am the one, the only… “VELVEETA CHEESE”!!!!  But you can call me “CHEESY” for short! 

(Crowd goes wild!  Yelling, screaming, crying, gnashing of teeth)


And now, for the sake of those who are not quite getting the reference here…  Prepare for the worst before you click through THIS LINK that hopefully will fill in any gaps you may have in putting the name of the band together with the band members names….  But remember, you have been warned!

Reading it here, seeing it on my screen – I can tell you it is not as funny as it was at the time… 

(Although, when we told The Mother of Five about it, she too tried to stifle her giggles – I tried to explain, but through her snickering, she advised me that yes… She DID indeed already know what a Dutch Oven was)

I guess it was one of those “you had to be there” moments between a dad and a couple of his boys – one of those moments that can never really be duplicated, and that I will hold in my heart until the day I finally leave this life…  No matter how pre-pubescent, or borderline appropriate it may or may not have been…

Now, one question for you.  Did you know, or did you have to follow the link?  Leave me a comment, to let me the world know!


  1. I knew! :) I've threatened the Dutch many times, executed on it once. It never gets old. Hilarious!

  2. David,
    Thank goodness you stuck to "f--t" humor and didn't get into politics! A dutch oven is much funnier than trying to explain why someone would name or belong to the "Tea Party" and, have to explain what "teabagging" was all about.


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