Halloween 2007

In continuing a FOF trend, I started leaving a reply to a post at Many Things Do Not Fly, when I realized that I had rambled on enough to actually be a post of my own. So, as I had done in the past with "Dad Stuff", I'll give credit where it is due, and thank Lisa at "Many Things" for inspiring this post.

Before reading on, be sure to check out her "Happy Damn Halloween" post over at "Many Things". Then, after reading her post, my "reply" (this post) may make a bit more sense.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Man, and I thought it was bad in the "evil" suburbs... That pendulum is returning, and things are changing... Maybe the suburbs may be the better choice after all!

First of all, "way out" where I live, there were a few carloads of kids that infiltrated our neighborhood, but they came (mostly) from the farms. The farm families come to the neighborhoods so they can trick or treat to more than 1 house every mile. I got NO PROBLEMS with that whatsoever. In fact, I welcome them to come to my neighborhood. The farm families have been great to us, and my family (see prior posting) - So, if this is one thing I can do to help out their kids - Come on over!

As I walked with my kids (stressed "walked") through our neighborhood, I cannot think of one vehicle that contained a parent that was "driving alongside" their kids. There were huge GROUPS of parents and kids (up to 25 in one group) - but the parents were socializing, mugs of coffee, coco, or "whatever" in hand, and the kids playing together as they did their "trick or treating".

I'll let you in on one of my dirty little secrets - The quote "Yes Mother of Five, I'll take the kids out trick or treating this year if you want me to" is really just an excuse to break out a big fat cigar to enjoy while I walk the kids around the neighborhood. (Hey, doesn't Dad get a "treat" too?)

Even the teenagers were dressed up "out here". I did not see anyone that was not dressed to one degree or another. Some were more dressed than others, but everyone had some sort of costume, or something that resembled a costume on. So, we had no problems with that either.

Now, if I painted "Halloween in the Suburbs" as all rosy and perfect, it was not. No, not everything came up smelling of roses in blissful suburbia. We too had our problems.

I have a problem with the (late teen-early 20's) moms carrying their "hardly can walk" babies out to "trick or treat". As I walked my children through the neighborhood, we came across a gaggle of these young mothers, (about half a dozen). They were yelling (no, screaming) across the street, and from house to house to each other about what "treats" were being given out at which house so they could decide if it is "worth it" for the rest of the group to visit that house. (They were all talking about going to a house that was giving out "full sized candy-bars" for a third time...) Their kids... Most not even old enough to have teeth, could not even stand on their own if mom put the child down.

For goodness sake people.... Do you think that you have me fooled that the baby you are carrying (because they cannot walk on their own) is going to eat all that candy you have in that bag?? Honestly, those 8 month old babies had bags of candy bigger than my 12 year old had. I'd even feel better if mom and baby dressed in something that went together as a couple... You know.. Bevis and Butthead, Ren and Stimpy, heck even Little Oprhan Annie and Daddy Warbucks (although Metro Dad's Kid is not that young - but it is a perfect example!)... Something... No, ANYTHING that would make it look less like you were using your child to collect candy for yourself.

If you are a mother, it's time to grow up. If you child is too young to walk - stay home and have fun (with your child) giving candy out to all the visiting monsters! (Our littlest, Melissa (age 3 1/2), went to a few houses but had much more fun staying at home filling the visitor's bags with the treats we were giving out!

Then, this morning, I fielded a 9-1-1 call where a homeowner had left a bowl of candy out on their front step for the "trick or treaters". Apparently someone felt that they needed to "trick" this homeowner after they got their "treat". The trickster left (what appeared to be) a snake of human feces in the bowl on top of all the candy. Nice huh? Happy Damn Halloween huh?


  1. oh my freaking gourd. A snake of human feces. It's been years since anyone left us a an actual human turd. And never for Halloween.

    Why is it so annoying when people go to get candy under false pretenses? Why do we get so mad? And why do they bother? a big bag of candy costs 5 bucks at Walgreens.

    I should say, I don't mind at all when kids get shipped into the neighborhood to trick or treat. If they're dressed up, with their parents walking along and everybody's having fun. It's just such a bad metaphor for the rest of their lives when they can't even get out of the car for Halloween. Can't even work up a costume...Come on, people.

  2. Dave,

    You know how much I HATE Halloween and everything about it....but what is with the people who place the bowl of candy on the front step with the sign saying "Take One?" Seriously! I have never seen one of those bowls with candy in it. I'm sure the first person (teenager) that came to that door dumped all the candy in their bag and took off laughing!

    Thank God Thanksgiving is coming!

    PS - Shannon and I went Trick-or-Treating with Maeve last night...she was dressed as Tigger...she even had a cute little tail! The only difference is that we only went to family and collected no "Treats" (well maybe I had some, but that is besides the point, it's family) and everyone was just happy to see her, despite the fact it was Halloween!

  3. No Bill... Maybe I was not clear enough...

    In this case the first teenager came and pinched a loaf in the bowl, then took off laughing.. See, the poo was ON TOP of the candy.

    And, the way you took Maeve out is exactly how it should be done!

    Good Luck.


  4. ...But the best part is that the homeowner called 911, perhaps expecting you to dispatch a CSI team, armed with squirt bottles full of luminol and a DNA kit to narrow down the list of potential suspects.

    I don't mean to downplay the trauma of finding a dookie in your favorite mixing bowl on all saint's morning, but sheesh. Unless the receptacle was a priceless ming vase, just throw on a set of gloves and chuck the whole thing in the trash, for crying out loud. Then mutter about the damned kids these days and what the world is coming to, like everybody else.

    My four year old got way more candy than he needed (He really doesn't even eat it) but he just has so much fun trick or treating. He'll practically be a five year old before all the candy he got last night will be consumed. One fun size a day, for each of our lunch boxes.

  5. Sound like a fun night. I used to travel in a herd of parents that used to "Trick or Beer". It was fun until you realized that it was cold and there was no bathroom on the street.
    Although, a bowl of candy on the porch would probably work.

  6. Terry. Believe it or not, the homeowner called because they were worried about potential illness this poo may have caused some unknowing child.

    Without reveling too much, think "perverbial little old lady"..

  7. Trick or Beer? Hmmm.. Intriguing..

    Hmmm... Maybe I'll dial it up a notch.. Trick or schnapps!

    Or, Trick or cigar!

    Better yet, you could vary it from house to house...

  8. Dave, I am so glad that you also got to talk to the poopy cauldron lady. She must not have been able to sleep all night worrying about the e-coli candy she handed out!

  9. Dave,

    1. What did she do with the candy?

    2. Was there another involved with
    handing out the candy and did
    she have only one cup?

    3. Is there video?

    4. I am sure all of the above
    are NAFW


Did you reach the Bottom of this blog?

If you have read down to here and are interested in reading more, be sure to click here, click on the "Older Posts" link to your right, or use the "Archive" tool on the right sidebar. Thanks for visiting!