Deadliest (non) Catch.

Yes... It's true...  I fantasize about a life in rural Alaska... A life where I spend a few months a year on a crab boat - hauling in the "Deadliest Catch"...  So that I can have 3/4 of the year to live alone in the Alaskan wilderness.  To be honest, I have never had to work as hard as a crab boathand for even a day in my life... But I like to think I "COULD" if I had to.. 

Today, I got an opportunity to come as close to working the rail of a crab boat than I think I will ever get to... 

I spent 2.5 hours cleaning up the Scott County Fairgrounds this morning.

The County Fair lets groups come in and clean their grounds for money as a means to raise funds (Fund-raiser)... Today was with the Boy Scouts...  Sunday morning I will "get to" do this with with St. John the Baptist School.  (My kids private school).

I have done this fundraiser many times in the past...  But recently there have been some added expectations to the job. 

This year the clean up crew is ALSO responsible for dumping the 96 gallon garbage cans (I'd say 50-100 of them) into the huge dumpsters placed strategically throughout the Fairgrounds (maybe 5-8 of them).

Well, now that I have done it once... I think I may be having second thoughts about the second "opportunity".... (snicker).

It's a DIRTY, DIRTY, MESSY job.. 

Hey Mike Rowe from Dirty Jobs AND Deadliest Catch (see the connection?) Are you listening?

First off, we walked the grounds (in a "search and rescue line" fashion) picking up trash from the ground.  Trash that includes half eaten food, gum, cigarette butts, scraps of paper, broken glass, and aluminum cans (that may or may not cut you when you pick them up..).  YOU NAME IT, and it can be found on the ground at a county fair (Man, can people can be atrocious pigs some times)

Picture 055aThen (and here is the kicker)... Hauling the 96 gallon garbage cans from all over the fairgrounds to one of the conveniently located dumpsters... Where I (as one of the bigger-taller-stronger adults) got to open said can, and dump all the food, beer, soda, cheese curds, corn dogs, broken midway prizes, and all sorts of other rotting bits of this and that (floating in their own "juices") out.

Then (and only after getting a deep and overwhelming whiff of each can's contents after fermenting, stewing, marinating, sitting all night) I got to lift the cans up to the open dumpster, tip them up (and over my head), shake them out, and then return the then empty ones back to the kids.  It got to the point that I could close my eyes, open a can and guess (with accuracy) where this can came from based solely on the smell. 

Next to the Cheese Curd Stand, near the bathrooms, "midway can", ahhh.. The Beer Garden, And who could forget the Pickle on a stick booth!  

Oh, and to the folks that enjoy a beer once and a while (like I do) - the smell from the "beer garden" can is NOTHING like the smell of a recently opened bottle of ice cold beer after a hard day mowing the lawn. 

It's smell is much more akin to the floor of a dirty men's room.  (Not that I would know much about that - LINK)

In many ways it reminded me of "Deadliest Catch" only with garbage cans filled with an ooey-gooey juicy stew of garbage being dumped into a dumpster instead of Alaskan King or Opilio Crabs being dumped into the hull of the crab boats! (Oh, and by the way, I did not have any hydraulic lifts to help lift up the cans like they have to lift the crab pots...)

Actually, now that I think about it, it felt much less like a overly romanticized notion of what working on a crab boat would be like, and more like what Templeton the Rat from Charlotte's Web felt like after a day at their county fair!

A Veritable Smorgasbord 

from Charlotte's Web

Templeton A fair is a veritable smorgasbord orgasbord orgasbord
After the crowds have ceased
Each night when the lights go out
It can be found on the ground all around
Oh, what a ratly feast!

Melon rinds and bits of hot dogs
Cookie crumbs and rotten cotton candy
Melted ice cream, mustard dripplings
Moldy goodies everywhere

Lots of popcorn, apple cores
Banana peels and soggy sandwiches
And gobs of gorgeous gook to gobble at the fair

A fair is a veritable smorgasbord orgasbord orgasbord
After the gates are shut
Each night when the lights go out
It can be found on the ground all around
That's where a rat can glut, glut, glut, glut!

I'll be psyching myself up for Saturday Morning's second run at this.... Wish me luck!

Regarding the photo...  The FACE of the guy hauling that garbage can may look familiar... but the rest.... I'll leave that up to your imaginations!  (But the trash can... That is the right size!)


  1. Ha ha! Loved this post. Good luck on Sunday. Think of me while you dump cheese curds.

  2. Yes, Dave, people can be pigs. If one wants to see the other side, go to EAA AirVenture in Oshkosh, WI. ( )
    NOT ONE PIECE OF TRASH on the ground. Then again, I don't think you can get fried pickles at the air show.

  3. Again, you are one of my heroes. Twice in a weekend is truly heroic!

  4. I feel ya. When I "early enlisted" in the Air Force when I was a kid, the air show came town and the recruiter called and asked if I'd be interested in working it for $7.50 p/hr. Well, minimum wage--my wage--was $3.25, so HECK YEAH!
    Man, that was one of the hardest days of my life. Sun up to sun down I was hauling frozen meat, garbage and then at the end of the day, chairs and tables.
    If ever I want to scare my kids into going to college, I'm going to sign them up working with the utility company and I'm gonna tell the foreman to give them the minimum wage job!


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