A Journey of Faith Part 4 - Finding a Home Again

I have (for quite some time now) wanted to document my personal journey of faith.  How I became who I am today in an attempt to try and understand my faith.  I started by doing just that.  I sat down, and wrote out my personal journey of faith.

I know people choose to “evangelize” by sharing their journey.  That is not my mission.  I am not writing these posts to convert.  I am not writing these posts to persuade.  I am not writing these posts to influence.  I AM writing these posts (first and foremost) for myself. 

Previous entries in this series...

A Journey of Faith Part 1 - An Introduction
A Journey of Faith Part 2 – The Early Years
A Journey of Faith Part 3 – Transitions

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By this time in my life, my core beliefs and values were all pretty much set, and I was comfortable with my “faith”.

I met the Mother of Five while in college. She and I share a similar family and religious background. During the three years we were dating, The Mother of Five had moved to Mankato for school while I finished my education here in the Twin Cities. Once I completed my degree and “Skills Training”, I rented my own apartment and moved to Mankato to be closer to her (“my own” as in we did not live together). While there we attended two different parishes –St. Peter & Paul and St. Joseph the Worker. During this time the feeling of familiarity, recognition and connection I once felt started weaning.

We moved back to the metro area, and shortly thereafter married at St. Peter’s in Richfield. This was meaningful because it was her family (and my grandmother’s) parish. We moved into our first apartment together and joined St. John Neumann in Eagan.  St. John Neumann was the only parish that I really did not care much for.  There was no particular reason for me not liking it – I think I finally gave up trying to feel as connected to my parish as I did growing up.

After our first year of marriage, we bought our first house.  It was located in Richfield, Minnesota.  Richfield has three Catholic Churches in the city limits…  There was St. Peter (where we were married), Assumption, and St. Richard’s (that we lived (literally) across the street from).  The three churches also combined their schools into one. 

#1 of 5 (now 23 years old) was enrolled into Blessed Trinity and also went to school across the street (his grade level was located in the St. Richard’s campus). Despite the proximity of St. Richards we still attended St. Peter’s (3 miles away).  I considered it my “home” parish.  St. Richards was our “we are running late” or “convenience” church.

Having the connection we did with St. Peter’s (my grandma’s parish, my in-law’s parish, having been married there, and having a child enrolled in the school) the feeling of being “connected” with my parish started returning.

Coming soon:  A Journey of Faith Part 5 –Troubled Waters

A Journey of Faith Part 3 - Transitions

I have (for quite some time now) wanted to document my personal journey of faith.  How I became who I am today in an attempt to try and understand my faith.  I started by doing just that.  I sat down, and wrote out my personal journey of faith.

I know people choose to “evangelize” by sharing their journey.  That is not my mission.  I am not writing these posts to convert.  I am not writing these posts to persuade.  I am not writing these posts to influence.  I AM writing these posts (first and foremost) for myself. 

Previous entries in this series...

A Journey of Faith Part 1 - An Introduction
A Journey of Faith Part 2 – The Early Years

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Transitions

After graduating eighth grade at Nativity, my parents were fortunate enough to be able to afford my enrollment at The Academy of the Holy Angels high school.

It was also a time that our parish had a successful and thriving Youth Group program for kids in grades 9-12. Initially, it was not the "Youth Group" that really interested me, but it was their annual Boundary Waters Canoe trip that I really wanted to attend. Somewhere along the line I ran into a friend of mine from Nativity (who also attended AHA). I knew he was going on the BWCA trip, so I asked him for more information. Not only did he urge me go on the trip, but he suggested that I start attending Youth Group so I could start to meet the other Youth Groupers who were going. I had my initial reservations but in the end I decided to attend.  Looking back, I find that this decision being another one of the defining moments in my life.

I began attending Nativity's Youth Group, and over the next four years, NYG (as it was affectionately referred to) became my second family.  (I still stay in touch with some of the closest friends I made during my involvement in NYG.)

My spiritual journey through these years was assisted in ways that I did not even realize at the time by our youth minister.  He had a way of blending (maybe even “hiding”) the right amount of faith based education into fun and activities for the youth of our Parish.  He had a unique personality that allowed him to be a mentor while at the same time being someone I could consider a friend. He left an indelible mark on an impressionable young man that can still be seen within me to this day.

It was during my involvement in NYG that I connected on a personal level with our parish priest who had been our pastor for many years. Through my years at Nativity School and through alter serving – I became familiar with him, and I suspect he would have been able to recognize me by face, but there was a moment in time that our priest became something more than “just” the church’s pastoral officiant in my eyes.  We connected on a personal level.

Our priest was moving residences, and was looking for some assistance. He turned to the Youth Minister (and the Youth Group) for some volunteer “muscle”. I was one of three or four members who stepped up and volunteered to help him move.  After spending the day with him(away from formal setting of our church) – and helping him get situated in his new residence, I was able to see him as more than “that guy up front” at mass on Sunday. I got to know him as a person. As someone I could approach, say hello to, and have a conversation with. For the first time in my life, I really felt comfortable speaking to a priest. Getting to know our parish priest in this way helped give the Church a more “personal” feel.

After high school graduation and into the college years - my involvement in our church continued. In addition to my involvement in the Youth Group (now as a chaperone for the BWCA trips and helping out our new Youth Minister from time to time) I filled a seat on one of the parish committees, filled in as temporary “collection counter”, and even ran for the seat on the Parish Council reserved for the young adults of the congregation (unfortunately, I came in a close second).

As the old saying goes… “Time and tide wait for no man”, and soon my “youth” and “young adulthood” transformed into the pressures and responsibilities of adulthood.

A Journey of Faith Part 2 – The Early Years.

I have (for quite some time now) wanted to document my personal journey of faith.  How I became who I am today in an attempt to try and understand my faith.  I started by doing just that.  I sat down, and wrote out my personal journey of faith.

I know people choose to “evangelize” by sharing their journey.  That is not my mission.  I am not writing these posts to convert.  I am not writing these posts to persuade.  I am not writing these posts to influence.  I AM writing these posts (first and foremost) for myself. 

Previous entries in this series...
A Journey of Faith Part 1 - An Introduction

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The Early Years.

I was born into a Catholic family. 


At the time of my birth, my mother was a nurse working at St. Mary's Hospital in Minneapolis.  My baptism was non-traditional.  It was preformed inside the hospital by Father Pascal Francis Kelly (another link) in his room, and from his bed.  I was not ill.  Father Kelly was bedridden by multiple sclerosis and lived at St. Mary's from 1956 until he passed away in 1975. He was one of the patients that my mother regularly cared for and befriended through her time working at St. Mary's.  

My maternal grandparents attended St. Albert's in Minneapolis, and my paternal grandparents attended St. Peter's in Richfield (and I have memories of attending mass at both churches with my grandparents). From birth until age eight, my family attended (the now closed) St. Kevin's Church in Minneapolis.

I attended pre-school (I think it was called "nursery school" back then) at St. Albert's and was taught by Brother Benedict (I believe a Franciscan Brother).  I was enrolled into Kindergarten in the Minneapolis public school system, but the following (and all subsequent) years my parents enrolled me in the parochial school system - starting with St. Kevin's where I attended until my family moved from Minneapolis to Bloomington.  Once in Bloomington, my parents joined Nativity of Mary's parish and I was enrolled into and attended Nativity of Mary School from grade three until grade eight.

It was through years of parochial school and it's interjection of faith and religion into most aspects of education that my faith found it's earliest foundation.  I also had a three year career as an alter server from sixth through eighth grade. 

Yes, the photo you see to the right is indeed a very young "FOF".  I do look happy there, don't I??? 
During this same time frame (elementary / junior high) while living in Bloomington that we had some very close neighborhood friends (with similarly aged children) that were Baptist. Their children attended "Trout Lake Camp" (a vacation bible camp) each summer.   It was not long before we were invited to join them.  I truly enjoyed the time I spent at Trout Lake Camp. It was a good blend of faith based motivation along with fun summertime activities for kids.

Throughout the trips I made to Trout Lake Camp I learned a lot about my own budding faith. I also believe this was a huge part of how I learned to be respectful (not fearful) of, and even curious about other's beliefs. I learned that different religions may differ slightly from my own, most have much more in common than divide us. I also learned not to be afraid to share my faith. (Being one of the only Catholic attending a Baptist Bible Camp – I often was asked questions about being Catholic, and we discussed our differences. It was always done in a respectful and educational manner.)

It was my final year at Trout Lake Camp (the summer between my eighth grade and ninth grade) that the staff at Trout Lake Camp asked us to consider consciously accepting Jesus Christ into our hearts and to follow the ways of Christ in our lives. The staff stressed the importance of this decision, and did not want anyone to make the decision frivolously. After much reflection (reflection of a then 14 year old boy) It was there (ironically enough, at a Baptist Bible Camp) that I accepted the challenge. I remember the moment distinctly, and it is one of the "defining moments" in my life.

In many ways, accepting that challenge (on my own accord) was a stepping stone into a life as a young adult.

Coming soon:  A Journey of Faith Part 3 - Young Adulthood.

A Journey of Faith Part 1 – An Introduction

In my last post (Adult Principles) I talked about wanting to compile a list of traits I felt were important to being a husband, father, and productive member of society.  I shared with you JP Barlow’s list of twenty-five Adult Principles. Barlow's list was quite comprehensive, yet there was one item in particular that I had in my list that Mr. Barlow did not address... 

Faith.

Faith (by definition) is a belief in something for which there is no proof.  I know some consider "faith" foolishness, or a personality weakness.  I do not.  A person's faith is a very personal thing.  Even within myself, I have found my own faith a complicated mix of feelings, beliefs, and even (if I want to be honest) a little contradiction.  In my bio, I have written (about myself)…

"I consider myself a man of faith. I was born, raised, and practice the Catholic faith, and I am not afraid to say that I believe in God. While I have no desire to leave my faith, I am both tolerant of, and interested in learning more about the other faiths and Religions around the world."

I have found that In times of trouble, turbulence and confusion in my life I have found that by turning to my faith I have been able to find peace, serenity, harmony, and answers.  My faith in God is something that has served me well throughout my life, and has always be there ready and waiting for me when I need it most.
I practice my faith within the Catholic Church. 

It’s true, Catholicism has received it's fair share of criticism lately (and I may face a little flack from some for saying this, but I believe some of that criticism is justified).  Yet for all the things it is scrutinized for, the Catholic Church has done and continues to do a lot of good throughout the world.  Do not get me wrong.  I am not justifying the negative by trying to camouflage it with the positive.  I think too many people acknowledge one, and ignore the other (and that goes for both sides of the issue).   

Despite it’s shortcomings, I (personally) have found a certain level of comfort and familiarity within The Catholic Church (as an institution).  At least once a week I have an opportunity to tune out the external noise and chaos of life as a father of five, and loose myself in the familiar and traditional rituals of the Catholic Mass.

I acknowledge that these rituals (the standing, sitting, knelling, and repetitious prayers) may not be for everyone.  It is likely that some (maybe most) people do not understand why we do the things we do (I can not explain them all myself), but being a creature of habit (desperate for stability) I have (personally) found those familiar and traditional rituals help (forgive my use of cliché) "bring me back to where I want to be" and help "center myself”.   As a father of five, “time” is something of a premium.  Participation in those familiar and traditional rituals afford me a small window of opportunity to reset my priorities.  I can take the time to reflect upon the previous week, and focus on navigating around the impending obstacles of the upcoming week.  I emerge from mass feeling re-energized to take on life with an emphasis on positive principals such as respect, dignity, honor, peace, acceptance, honesty leaving behind the negative.  

Admittedly, while I have a strong sense of faith in my life, I am not what you would consider an “overly religious” fellow. I am sure that while some may be surprised by this fact and others may not - I struggle with some of the minutia, “rules”, and viewpoints of the Church.  I tend to be selective on which of these items are “important” to me, and which ones I am able (or allow myself) to overlook.  Does that make me a bad Catholic?  I don’t know. 

One of my favorite movie quotes is from the movie Trading Places where a “secular” character named Coleman (dressed as a Catholic priest and speaking with a stereotypical Irish accent) offers another character a sip of Irish whisky from his flask. The recipient replies “No thank you, it’s against my religion”. Colman then comes back with the unexpected (yet memorable) quote “Religion is a good thing I say, taken in moderation”. Of course the irony (and humoristic contrast) here is that this is said by a religious figure.

What I do know is that I try (and try hard) to follow what I see as the core values and principles of Jesus Christ.  Call me a sinner (or a bad Catholic) if you wish (Matthew 7:1), but in the end I’d rather be judged a honest, compassionate and forgiving man who ate a bowl of cereal before mass than a deceitful, underhanded, and dishonest man who fasts one hour before mass. 

This is where things get complex.  In a confusing and unexplainable contradiction, while I struggle with the “fast before mass” rule, I find inspiration in the Lenten fast.  Why is it that??  Why can I find inspiration while fasting for forty days of Lent, but not for the one hour before weekly mass?   

I wish I was able to discern and tell you why I believe the things I believe, and why I find fulfillment in the things that I do, but I can not.  I can not even explain them to myself, let alone try to explain them to others. 
What I can say, without hesitation, is that that it feels right, and it feels good to do so.  

So I continue living what could probably be described as a life of strong faith as a moderate Catholic – struggling to understand the things I do not, while finding fulfillment in the things I do, 

See what I mean??  Personal, complex, contradictory, and (often) unexplainable…  But in the end, isn’t that what faith is all about?  About believing in something intangible, abstract, and elusive?  Believing in something that you can not prove, even to yourself? 

I have (for quite some time now) wanted to document my personal journey of faith.  How I became who I am today in an attempt to try and understand my faith.  I started by doing just that.  I sat down, and wrote out my personal journey of faith.  Not so much the abstract thoughts and ideas that this post is full of, but moreover the plain and simple facts.  The unarguable facts that may or may not have contributed to what my faith and beliefs are all about today. 

Originally, this was not going to be something that ended up on Father of Five.  It was to be for personal fulfillment.  As I processed my thoughts, and started putting it down I paper – I decided that I would post my journey.  I would open up and share my faith.  I know people choose to “evangelize” by sharing their journey.  That is not my mission.  I am not writing these posts to convert.  I am not writing these posts to persuade.  I am not writing these posts to influence.  I AM writing these posts (first and foremost) for myself. 

Writing this series of posts has been daunting to say the least.  I have spent hours writing, deleting, reworking, starting, stopping, and restarting, repeatedly.  Each time I decide to abandon the project, something has drawn me back to it.  I have struggled with finding the time to dedicate to this project, and (when I have found the time) I have struggled with the mechanics of putting words to the thoughts that best express my sentiments.  This is a simplistic view at best.  I do not want anyone walking away from this series thinking that I have shared (or that they now know) everything there is to know about my faith and beliefs.  It’s just not that simple.   

I will leave the comments open on this series of posts.  I only ask that any comments, questions, links, forwards, and discussion be tolerant and respectful – as I would if you were talking about your faith.

Coming soon… A Journey of Faith Part 2 – The Early Years.