Unattainably Daydreaming

(Crossposted on both The Life of a Father of Five, and My Unattainable Dreams)
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I have mentioned (and to those that know me can attest to this) that I live with an unexplainable yearning to hermit myself away into the solitude of the Alaskan wilderness. This stems from a lot of different sources, some explainable (and understandable) while others stem from the more "socially anxious" nether-regions of my psyche that I have yet to fully understand.

Why Alaska? I am not sure. I think it has to do with population density (solitude), the weather (colder), the pristine beauty of the untamed wilderness (more of the solitude), and an intrigue of the unknown (which is very-very unlike me).

I have a "secret stash" of books and movies about Alaska and of people whose lives, stories, and adventures have become part of the Alaskan history, legend, and folklore.

Some examples of items from my "secret stash" include...

One Man's Wilderness: An Alaskan Odyssey - A Book by Sam Keith about Richard Proenneke

More Readings From One Man's Wilderness: The Journals of Richard L. Proenneke - PDF E-book.

Alone in the Wilderness - A movie based on the book "One Man's Wilderness"

Alaska: Silence & Solitude - A movie that (although a big part of it) deals with more than just Proenneke.

Grizzly Man - A movie about the story of Timothy Tredwell
Nights of Ice - A book by Spike Walker about Crab Fishing on the Bearing Sea

Well, I guess that does not seem like such a huge "stash" of items... But I have also surfed, and read up a lot on both Proenekke and Tredwell... When it comes to these stories, I am like a sponge... I cannot get enough!

So, recently when the movie "Into the Wild" came out on DVD, you can imagine I was (to say the least) intrigued, and wanted to find out more. I discovered it was a move, based on the book "Into the Wild" (by Jon Krakauer), which was the true story of Christopher McCandless. I'm not going to go in to a lot of details about McCandless' story (you will need to read the book or see the movie for that). I found the movie hauntingly fascinating. The story of McCandless has been on the forefront of my mind for three days now. I have made a commitment to myself to add both the movie and the book to my "secret stash" (oh, yeah.. and to read the book too)...

While surfing info about McCandless, I came across a couple of other stories that have caught my attention, and now feel the need to find out more about them.

First is the story of John Mallon Waterman who's forage into (what appeared to be) insanity came to an end when his gear was located (without him) in March of 1981 after a solo attempt to ascend Denali (Mount McKinley) in which he departed in the early winter of that year. There is very little info available about Waterman that I have been unable to unearth, but I will continue trying.

I also came across the story of Carl McCunn. McCunn was also an Alaskan Adventurer who was air dropped in the Alaskan Interior for a photographic excursion. McCunn was left with ample supplies, and provisions for his needs - but neglected to make arrangements for anyone to pick him up at the end of his adventure. No one actually realized he was missing until the Alaskan State Troopers discovered his camp a year later. With him the Troopers found a 100 page journal.

Both McCandless and McCunn both left behind journals of their time in the Alaskan Wilderness. I understand that "Into the Wild" (both the Book and the Movie) are based on McCandless' Journal. What I would love to read is what exactly went through their minds (in their own words) throughout their adventure / ordeal. I have yet been unable to locate (in either published or unpublished (text, PDF, etc) formats) a copy of either of the unabridged journals of McCandless or McCunn.

If you are reading this post, and know of a source that would allow me access to the text of these Journals, PLEASE - use the link on my sidebar to drop me an email. I would be ever-so-grateful. Regardless of your view on these men and reasons for wanting to undertake such an journey, their stories are tragically important, and I (for one) am intrigued by these stories.

If you have not yet read the book, or seen the movie "Into the Wild", then please read the article "Death of an Innocent" (also by Jon Krakauer, author of "Into the Wild"). As for an internet article, it is long. But if you find Alaska, Richard Proenneke, or the stories of Timothy Tredwell, John Mallon Waterman, and Carl McCunn at all interesting, you will NOT be disappointed.

Fear not dear friends, family, and regular readers. You can take comfort knowing that I will not be undertaking a "life threatening" solo Alaskan Adventure. (a fact that my wonderful wife (the Mother of Five) will be glad to see that I "admit" to). You see, as much as I dream about dropping off the grid, and disappearing into the solitude that is the Alaskan wilderness, that opportunity has passed me up. It passed me up one wife ago, five children ago, one house ago, and 100 lbs ago. My family obligations prevent me from ever reaching this "Unattainable Dream". BUT.... Since I acknowledge I will never really disappear into the Alaskan wilderness, I feel it's ok to maintain it as just that. An "Unattainable Dream". So I will not feel guilty keeping and even adding to my "secret stash".

Don't misunderstand me though. I WILL visit Alaska one day. It will be an "extended" visit that includes both urban and rural settings. The difference is that this visit will include an "end date" (and unlike Carl McCunn, will have an "exit plan").

Now that I have decided it's ok to maintain this as an "Unattainable Dream" I discovered a couple of other items that are slated to be added to the "secret stash"...

The Frozen North - A movie of footage taken by Richard Proenneke with his 8mm movie camera
Danger Stalks the Land - A book by Larry Kaniut (includes information about Mallon McCunn)
Working the Edge - A book by Spike Walker about King Crab Fishing off the Alaskan Coast

Thanks for letting me daydream (unattainably daydream) with you...

My next read.

For Christmas, I got a new book.

"One Man's Wilderness"
By Sam Keith

The the story of Dick Proenneke.

Who is Dick Proenneke? CLICK HERE, HERE, HERE, heck... Dick Proenneke (Alaskan Adventurer) is ALL OVER THE WEB!

To properly enjoy this book I need a cool, calm, and quiet setting while I read (much like the setting of the book). That rarely happens at home, and seldom happens at work... I'll wait for a set of days off in January or February where I can have a day or two of some peace and quiet...





I was turned on to this book by when PBS aired three specials on Alaska. The first one called "Alone in the Wilderness" (The story of Dick Proenneke - and documentary about this book), the second (I forget the title - but I will find and add here) is about the Alaskan Wilderness, and the Narrator does a lot of flying over the wilderness in special plane, and the third "Grizzly Man" The story of Timothy Tredwell (another Alaskan Adventurer and bear enthusiast). If you have not had the opportunity to see Grizzly Man - I highly recommend it! It contains an adventure story with some underlying humor in it (you will have to see it to understand) and the captivating beauty of the Alaskan wilderness... Once you start it's hard to look away.