Healing... And Moving On

Well, two days after the fateful event that caused so much trauma for our family (please click link to read the heartbreaking story if you have not already herd it), we began the process of healing, and moving on.

After a morning of work, I was unable to chaperone a field trip to the Minnesota Zoo with our youngest's preschool class that I had previously signed up for. The Incident Commanders were all very understanding, and did everything they could (and then some) to get me there - but in the end, it was cutting it too close.

This worked out ok in the end because I ended up making a run to urgent care for a persistent, and worsening cough. More on that "experience" later...

After the ER visit, and picking up subsequent prescriptions, I made my way home to accomplish the one task I had set my sights on for the day. We needed to lay Garfield to his eternal resting spot. At the family dinner table, we discussed the various options...

We came up with three viable options. The concave portion of our kidney shaped flower garden, a back corner of the yard, or under our deck where the ideas that we came up with.

We also talked about how we would mark the location...

In the end, we chose the concave portion of our kidney shaped flower garden. Additionally, we decided to "upgrade" this area, and create a small "memorial" to our beloved Garfield. We are going to put a concrete birdbath, and an etched stone memorial there too.

Planning this with the family was really nice. I really think this helped move us towards "closure".

After dinner, I started the work of cutting up the lawn (so I could put the patch back when I was done), and digging the hole. When the whole was complete, we called the kids, our next door neighbor kids, and I was going to invite the "across the street neighbor girl" (who played with Garfield every day) but, she was sick, and could not come over.

All of them had made cards, or picked flowers (dandelions), and came up with some things to send Garfield off with.

- I got a small baggie of Cat food for him (man, that cat could E. A. T. - It was only fitting to send him off with a little of what he liked best!).

- #2 of 5 decided to send him off with a laser pointer. (Garfield LOVED the laser pointer. We could get him to jump over 6 feet to try and "catch" it....)

- #4 of 5 use a piece to her gerbil cage (Garfield was so "interested" in the gerbils... He would stand guard, and sleep near their cage - just hoping for one of them to get loose.)

- Everyone else made cards (including the little girl across the street who could not be there).

We placed our things with Garfield, sealed up the box, and #2 of 5 lowered him into the little "grave".

More dandelions on top, and #2 of 5 asked to fill the hole back in.

Unfortunately #1 of 5 could not be with us, but he called us, and specifically asked that we say a prayer for him since he could not be there.

By the time we were finished, the kids were all doing MUCH better. The "immediacy" of the situation has passed, and as the old saying goes... "Time heals all wounds". Overall, everyone will be ok. #2 of 5 is even talking about wanting another cat. (But he does not ever want to name another cat Garfield - so he can always remember "his" Garfield the way he was...) No decisions have been made in this direction as of yet.

As promised this post includes the photo of Garfield on the Mother of Five's cel phone (the one that #2 of 5 does not want changed for a while...)

One last photo. This is the last photo we took of Garfield. It was dated 4-20-09. #4 of 5 was cleaning out her gerbil cage, and Garfield (who loved to squeeze his HUGE frame into the smallest possible boxes to curl up in) decided to do so in the gerbil's cage.

Garfield the Cat.

I will refrain from sharing the feelings I am having for the person who drove their minivan up our street in a reckless manner tonight.

I will also admit to the difficulty I am having with refraining from acting out the disgust and RAGE I feel towards that person for also hitting, and killing Garfield our family cat tonight. The part that puts me over the edge is that it was done while #4 of 5 (our eight year old daughter - the cat lover) was watching out the window.

I will say prayers of thanks to God tonight, that this person also did not have the manners, etiquette, or good taste to even stop. Things would not have gone well for them tonight, and as a result, would not have gone well for me.

I will also admit the heartbreak I am feeling right now for the kids. Like I said, #4 of 5 actually saw the accident. We were all sitting in the living room, but she saw it through the window. I was "lucky" enough to get to see the raw reaction on her face.

As I turned to see what she was looking at, I saw Garfield struggling to make his way up into our yard. Like the true #$%^ that I can be at times, got upset because of the inevitable vet bill, and vocalized it as I raced my way out the door.

Garfield was still struggling when I reached him. Not really for long though... One breath, maybe two. #2 of 5 was right behind me. Being in uncharted waters, I told him he should probably go back inside (so as not to witness the cat struggling for his last breaths). In hindsight, I was thinking that maybe it would not have been a bad idea to have let him stay, and be with his cat as it died.

Moments after Garfield breathed his last, I turned around and #2 of 5 was standing 10 yards behind me... Asking if Garfield was ok. I told him that Garfield had died, and invited him to sit with me.

Garfield was "technically" #2 of 5's cat, but we never really kept track of "who's cat is who's". Garfield was our family cat, and was loved by our family, our next door neighbor's family, and the family across the street - who's house he was running from when he was hit. But at the end of the day, #2 of 5 had a very special relationship with Garfield, and was very in-tune with him.

#2 of 5 sat next to me on the front lawn. I held him in my arms. I held him tight as he broke down and wept. He asked if he could pet Garfield. I told him of course he could, and that Garfield would like that very much. It had only been seconds (maybe twenty) since Garfield had passed away.

#2 of 5 is 14 years old now. Mom was still in the house with the other children, and for a few minutes it was just him and I outside with Garfield. He was holding me tight, weeping.

Thinking about this now (about an hour later), I am thankful for those few minutes before everyone else came out of the house.

In all reality, this will likely be one of the last times this will happen. He is growing up so fast, and to have him need me, one more time, to help through this was something I think I needed as much as he did (for different reasons).

I removed his collar and name tag, hading them to #2 of 5. I told him that these were his to have, and that Garfield would want him to take care of them.

After a few minutes of holding my boy in my arms, as he pet the cat he loved so very much, the rest of the family came out. Next to break down was #4 of 5 (8 years old). She too is VERY attached to the cats, and as the one who witnessed the accident, was noticeably upset. She curled up in her mother's arms and wept.

We sat together as a family, on the front lawn, surrounding Garfield. It was a very emotional time.

As it started getting dark, I left to get a box to put Garfield in for the night. One by one, everyone left to help, except #2 of 5. He stayed with his cat.

Watching him sit there in the middle of the yard, alone, crying, and petting his cat was a painful thing to see, and will be with me for a LONG time to come.

After finding a box, and a little blanket to wrap him in, we all went back to #2 of 5 and his cat. I had him help me place Garfield gently in the box, and I sent the kids inside.

It was past the kids bed time, and they were all in various states of emotional turmoil. There was a lot of crying, and sadness in our house tonight.

We reminded the kids that if Garfield could talk to us right now, he would not want us to be sad. He would want us to think happy thoughts of him, remembering all the funny things he did, and would want us all to say a special prayer for him.

#4 of 5 mentioned (before going to bed) that "at least Mimi (Garfield's litter-mate and our other cat) can at least eat now. (Garfield was an eating machine...). At least that put a little bit of a smile on her face before bed.

As I sat with #2 of 5 in his room before bed, he said that this was the WORST day of his life. He has strep throat, missed school (and will have a ton of homework tomorrow) and now it was the day his cat died. What can you say?

Just before going to bed #2 of 5 said that at least he does not have to have a 5:30 am alarm clock anymore (Garfield would jump on our beds until he got one of us up. This almost always happened around 5:30 am). This statement put a little smile on his face, and so I told him the story of what his sister said about Mimi being able to eat. That also put a smile on his face.

I asked him to (over the next few days) write down several thoughts and memories he has of Garfield. Things he does not want to forget. I reminded him that our memories of those that have passed are what allow them to live on.

#2 of 5 had a hard time getting to sleep tonight. He could not sleep, and came out to sit with us for a while. He is just now heading off to bed (10:40 pm).

For those of you that have been around here long enough... you may remember a post titled "The Third Option". This post was also about Garfield.

The photos that make up this post are of one of the first photos we have of Garfield (when he came home for the first time) with #2 of 5, and one of the last photos I took of Garfield.

I am also going to update this post (or create another) with a photo #2 of 5 took of Garfield on my wife's cellular phone. (I still have to figure out a way to get it off the phone.)

While crying himself to sleep tonight, #2 of 5 told his mom that it was "odd". When we asked him what was "odd" - he said that for some reason - this afternoon - he changed the screen saver on her cellular phone to a photo he took of Garfield earlier this year. Between his tears, he asked if she would leave it as the screen saver for a while.

My wife was crying when she told me this story.

Garfield, you will be missed. Your two years with us went WAY to fast. You were by far, the most entertaining cat I have ever had the pleasure to know. Thank you for all the fun times, and the laughs you provided our family over the past couple of years.

You go with all the love of your human family.

Now that the kids are asleep, and my wife is too, it is my turn to go cry myself to sleep...

Crunch :-(

While backing out of the garage, and watching out for Garfield the cat (who happened to be sitting at the edge of the driveway), I had my head turned so that I could keep an eye on the cat, and not so much towards the passenger side of the car, when all of a sudden I heard a horrible crunch!

I thought for sure I had run over one of the kids bikes, toys, skateboards, or any of the myriad of kids junk that often cocoons my car into what is left of my parking stall any given day.

When I turned back to see what had happened, I instinctively looked into my passenger side view mirror, and noticed...

I was in a hurry, so I had to drive off with the mirror "as is", but when I returned home, I unplugged the power cord, and taped up the gaping hole left in the side of the car.

No, that is not "duct tape"... Well.. It's sort of "duct tape" - it's metal tape. A thin sheet of aluminum with very, very sticky adhesive! It is used to patch, fix or repair metal ducts!

Now, that I have a temporary solution in place, I'll have to start scouting around for a replacement mirror.

U-Pull-R-Parts, here I come! Hey Bill, do you want to come???

Lost and Found

A couple of days ago I had the opportunity to share a couple of valuable lessons with my children. The lessons: Discretion, Good Judgment, and Civil Disobedience.

I used discretion and good judgment today when the kids and I hung fliers on the lamp posts throughout my neighborhood. I used discretion and good judgment because hanging the fliers was an example of civil disobedience for violating what I am sure is some sort of “heinous violation” of one of the sanctified “covenants” of our neighborhood’s homeowners association (not to mention a flagrant violation of some city ordinance).
(See THIS POST – Read the bolded text and pay close attention to the second paragraph.)

Now, let me explain why these lessons were necessary:

You see, I found out on Saturday that some time the day before, a door had been left open in our house. Ignore for a moment the fact that on a ninety degree day someone in our house insulted our (often ignored, yet beloved) air conditioner as it exerted itself in a feeble struggle to sustain a comfortable level of humidity within our home – you would think that the fact that we have an ADHD dog that (at the first possible opportunity) will run out the door in a desperate attempt to find anything she can chase (and as far and as fast from home as she can), and two “strictly indoor” cats - would be enough of an incentive to keep the door closed… But it was not. Somehow, someone left one of the doors wide open.

Now, as you may or may not remember, Garfield (the male half of “team feline”) recently used up all his lives when he was discovered to have a broken leg that (initially) appeared would cost us over $3,000.00 to mend. He was “knocking on heaven’s door” when the vet provided us an alternative option of casting his leg, crossing our fingers, and hoping for the best (for 1/10 of the price). We decided that we would give Garfield one last “bonus” life, and agreed to have his leg cast. (SEE HERE for more info and a picture.)

We struggled to keep him immobile, and many times found him climbing, running and jumping with the cast on. We woke up one morning (about two weeks ago) and found Garfield making his way up the stairs – cast-less and with an ever-so-slight limp (like he had not used the leg in a few weeks). We quickly located the cast in Jonathan’s room. It had fallen off two weeks early (which the vet told us to expect). Garfield has been doing fine ever since.

I never did bring him in for a follow up appointment. The vet wanted to do more x-rays and a follow up appointment after the cast came off. This would mean another visit to the vet, x-rays, and other miscellaneous associated fees. This “follow up” would cost an additional $150.00 - $200.00. All total – I have close to a thousand dollars invested into Garfield (between shots, neutering, de-clawing, and the broken leg).

I decided to save the other $200.00 on the follow up, because –frankly- if the leg did not heal, Garfield and I would have gone on a little “early” hunting trip together. Even without the “follow up” visit to the vet, I still have around $700.00 invested in this $5.00 farm cat.

Mimi (the female half of “team feline”) on the other hand has had her shots - Period. When she first started going into heat...

Imagine my surprise when I came home and found an incestual feline act going on right before my very eyes – several months before we “expected” this sort of thing to start.

...we were unable to afford to get both Garfield and Mimi fixed and de-clawed at the same time. We chose to have Garfield neutered – that way he would leave Mimi alone. Overall, the plan has worked out well. Mimi will (once and a while) go into heat, but Garfield has ZERO interest in her. This makes the total investment in Mimi, around $100.00. (Significantly less than the $700.00 I have into Garfield).

So, when the wife “sat me down” to break the news about the missing cats, I could not help but imagine our cat a big bag of money being run down in the street (with bills and coins “squishing” out of it from all directions), or a little old lady feeding our cat an overstuffed bank bag (with my name on it), then snatching it up and bringing inside her home.

As the day went on, I was more and more sure that the cats my money were gone, never to return. The kids were gloomy, and even Molly (the ADHD cairn terrier from hell) was not herself without the cats. At one point, I spotted Jonathan (elbows up on the railing, head in hands) on the deck watching over the (several) yards around. Garfield is “sort of” Jonathan’s cat, and Mimi is “sort of” Rebecca’s cat. (Humph… If you would look at my checkbook, it would appear that they are both MY cats….).

Wanting to “appear” like a caring father recover my money , I made up some “Lost Cat” fliers to post around the neighborhood. I was going to do so - knowingly breaking both a neighborhood “covenant” and a city ordinance.
As I finished the fliers, my brother-in-law arrived for a visit. So, the brother-in-law, myself, and four-fifths of my collection of children set out to tape up some fliers.

Before we put the first flyer up, my brother-in-law had spotted (what he thought was) Mimi two doors down, in a fenced yard where a dog was barking. As we ran over there, we could not see anything but the dog. My interest quickly faded, and I refocused my attention on getting the fliers up.

As I taped up the first sign, the kids came running around the corner saying screaming that one of the cats was in that yard. My brother-in-law and my collection of children went to the house and explained the situation to the homeowner. Within a few minutes Jonathan was walking out of their backyard with $700.00 Garfield in his hands! I was delighted! Not only was Garfield my favorite of the two missing cats - Garfield was also the cat that I had more money invested into... Happy Dad, Happy Children, and Happy Uncle (who had truthfully been responsible for finding the cat returning my investment.).

I could (as far as I was concerned) give up now. Mimi represented “chump change” when compared to Garfield - but (to Rebecca) Mimi represented much more… Mimi represented all the things that (if never found) would break a little girl’s heart. A broken little girl’s heart is a daddy’s worst nightmare, so regardless of how “done” I was, or how flagrant my violation was going to be, we (as a group) walked around the neighborhood taping up lost cat fliers.

Rebecca was glad to see Garfield back, but you could tell she was pining for Mimi’s return. It was a work day, so as I got ready, and left for work, the score was still tied 1-1.

This story does have a happy ending (as uneventful as it is…)

Later that night (just about dusk), I got a call at work from a VERY VERY HAPPY Rebecca. She excitedly shared with me that Mimi was now safely returned to the comforts of our warm and loving home. My wife got on the phone and said that she was all but doing cartwheels she was so excited that Mimi was back. Mimi had come in, ran to the water dish, and drank, and drank, and drank… Then she curled up in a little corner near an air conditioner vent, and fell asleep.

Apparently, while visiting with my neighbors, my wife / kids spotted Mimi in the bushes in a house across the street and "kiddy-corner" from our house.

Later that night, my wife called me and told me that Mimi (as she always does) curled up with Rebecca on her bunk as she went to bed. (It’s almost a ritual - whenever Rebecca goes to bed, Mimi will cimb up and curl up with her.) My wife said that Rebecca fell asleep with a smile on her face, and was even smiling in her sleep.

Postscript:

Remember the part about how little I have invested in Mimi, and why? After two days outside (and in heat) I have a couple of questions…

1. How long before a cat gets pregnant before I will be able to tell she is?

2. Do YOU want a kitten?

The Third Option

One of the animals in the menagerie that is our house took a fall.

Garfield (I did not name him - that would be Jonathan's "fault", but I'll tell you what, he sure lives up to his namesake) is a climber. He climbs into the ceiling joists in or laundry room and them roams the house in the gap between the upstairs floor and the downstairs ceiling.

3 days ago, my wife heard him in the kitchen area (in that gap) and went to pick the kids up from the Skate Park (so new it's not yet listed on the link - but is part of the Mini-Met). When she returned, Garfield was laying down on some laundry on the floor of the laundry room. She did not did not think anything about it (he is a "napper"). The next day (while everyone else was at work or school) I noticed that Garfield had not moved from where he was "napping" all day long. Because of our opposite schedules, and having more important things to discuss in the 30 minutes a day I get to talk to my wife, I had neglected to tell her my observations, and I had not heard about the prior day's events. By that evening, my wife had also noticed that he had still not moved from the original location that she found him in the day before. In the morning we shared our observations, and decided that he needed to get to the vet. This was the morning of day three since his fall.

That morning he had again not moved, but since we put food, water and litter near him, he had been able to hobble (on three legs) to take care of any necessities he had (eat, drink, pee, and poop), but he would screech and howl in pain if you lifted him. Well, in an "already to busy", after Ben's Culinary Arts final (more to come on that) I had to squeeze in a trip to our VET. After arriving at the vet, and getting Garfield weighed in, I met with the vet Tech, and then the Vet. Both were very kind, and gentle with Garfield. I was told to expect a broken bone, but they would have to xray to confirm that, which I agreed to. Twenty minutes later I was asked to return to the room, and shown the xrays.

According to the vet, the break was an complete oblique fracture (broken all the way through). The vet said the best course of action would be immediate surgery (that they do not preform in the Belle Plaine office), and resetting the bone with a plate and pins. I was told to expect the bill to come in around $3,000.00.

Yup folks, "three large" - for Garfield our $10.00 farm cat. That is a hard pill to swallow. But, Garfield really is a good cat, and a lot of fun to have around. He is huge, and clumsy, always knocking something down, and as curious (if not more) than Molly our cairn Terrier. He provides our family with a lot of "comic relief". I would say of all the cats that have come and gone over the past ump-teen years, I would put Garfield tied for first place. So, the news was devastating. Sorry everyone, as much as I love the cat, 3k just aint gonna happen.

At the vet's office, they have three stray cats that were left abandoned at their office. One of the three is a gimp (a politically incorrect or pejorative term for a crippled, paraplegic, or anyone (or anything in this case) with a limp or physical disability in the legs). The gimp hops along on three legs (missing one rear leg). I was just about to ask the vet how much it would cost to make Garfield a "three-wheeler" when the vet (sencing my apprehention) came up with a second (although not as effective) option.

The vet said she could put Garfield under, reset the bone, and put him in a cast for around $300. The cast would be less effective, and the bone could heal crooked, misaligned, or even partially separated, although less effective, it was a significantly less costly option. She also said that due to Garfield's age (less than one year), the probability that the bone will heal "pretty well" was high.

So before the vet got to "the third option", not wanting to come home "empty handed" (if you know what I mean - Thanks "Anonymous") to a living room full of kids wanting to know where Garfield is, I did what I thought was a reasonable compromise. I had the cat's leg set in a cast by our vet.

I left the vet a little over an hour later with a casted cat in a crate (say that 10 times fast!) and (all total, including the initial visit charges, x-rays, sedative, cast and application of the cast, and the take home drugs) with $360.00 less to my name - all for the sake of Garfield the cat.

Damn, I hope he lives the rest of his life like he "owes me one" - I did (after all) skip "The Thrid Option".