Some Fava Beans and a Nice… Tomato Soup???

I arrived home from work and (being a sufferer of paruresis) I immediately went to use our bathroom.  While in the bathroom the Mother of Five (quite hurriedly) told me she had to leave.  Being “preoccupied”, I shrugged my shoulders and went on to finish the task at hand. 

Upon completion of the task (and follow up hand washing task) I headed off to the kitchen to “graze” for a little post work-day snack.  I opened the refrigerator and…

>> GASP <<

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…was faced with a scene of what could only be described as a gruesome crime!!  

Immediately, I wondered who the Mother of Five chopped up and stuffed in our refrigerator…  But then, the “other” questions started popping into my head…  Thinks like “What did she say we were having for dinner tonight?”, “Why is there a Crockpot of fava beans cooking on our counter”, Chianti?  Since when does the Mother of Five serve fava beans and a nice Chianti with dinner?”, “Is she going to try and tell me it tastes like chicken?”

That’s when I started getting REALLY nervous!  I wondered HOW would I even begin raising these kids after she gets sent up the river on a 25 to life sentence.  (Could I just release them to the wild, and hope they would be adopted by a pack of wolves??  Would that even be fair to the wolves??)

There were FAR too many unanswerable questions, and since US Federal Common Law would allow me to do so – I could clean up any and all evidence of the crime, and then evoke my Spousal Privilege!

That was it!!  That was the way out of my dilemma!!

About an hour later (after mops, rags, soapy water, and a toothbrush were used) all sign(s) of whatever heinous acts (that may or may not have been committed in our kitchen today) by the Mother of Five are gone.  

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Disclaimer

All “victims” eluded to in this post are purely fictitious.  Any resemblance to any person alive or dead is purely coincidental.  No person was harmed in the making of this post.  (I can’t say that for the pot of tomato soup that fell from the top shelf of the fridge, splattered all over the refrigerator, and kitchen floor, but I can so no one was harmed) and I must add that the Mother of Five is an AMAZING cook who would NEVER consider cannibalism as an option (well, at least that I am aware of).

4 comments:

  1. Funny!

    And... paruresis sucks, does it not?

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    Replies
    1. Well, there are times it does - and other times it doesn't. It's something I have dealt with for as far back as I can remember (1st grade is my first - and very vivid - memory... I'll share with you in another venue...)

      It does have its upside though... After YEARS of dealing with my bladder has been conditioned pretty well! When I am at work, I >>NEVER<< have to worry about getting up to go to the bathroom - I can "hold it" far beyond most folk's ability - so having to keep an eye out for a bathroom is truly a "non issue" for me!!

      Every cloud has a silver lining, eh?

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  2. You are an amazing fridge cleaner. My refridgerator is insanely jealous.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It actually was much worse than the photos show! I had already started cleaning up when the idea struck me. The Mother of Five did come home and tell me that I didn't need to clean up her mess - but it was a BIG task - and thought that two hands would be better than one on this mess!

      Delete

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