In my last post (
Adult Principles) I talked about wanting to compile a list of traits I felt were important to being a husband, father, and productive member of society. I shared with you JP Barlow’s list of twenty-five Adult Principles. Barlow's list was quite comprehensive, yet there was one item in particular that I had in
my list that Mr. Barlow did not address...
Faith.
Faith (
by definition) is a belief in something for which there is no proof. I know some consider "faith" foolishness, or a personality weakness. I do not. A person's faith is a very personal thing. Even within myself, I have found my own faith a complicated mix of feelings, beliefs, and even (
if I want to be honest) a little contradiction. In my bio, I have written (
about myself)…
"I consider myself a man of faith. I was born, raised, and practice the Catholic faith, and I am not afraid to say that I believe in God. While I have no desire to leave my faith, I am both tolerant of, and interested in learning more about the other faiths and Religions around the world."
I have found that In times of trouble, turbulence and confusion in my life I have found that by turning to my faith I have been able to find peace, serenity, harmony, and answers. My faith in God is something that has served me well throughout my life, and has always be there ready and waiting for me when I need it most.
I practice my faith within the Catholic Church.
It’s true, Catholicism has received it's fair share of criticism lately (
and I may face a little flack from some for saying this, but I believe some of that criticism is justified). Yet for all the things it is scrutinized for, the Catholic Church has done and continues to do a lot of good throughout the world. Do not get me wrong. I am not justifying the negative by trying to camouflage it with the positive. I think too many people acknowledge one, and ignore the other (
and that goes for both sides of the issue).
Despite it’s shortcomings, I (
personally) have found a certain level of comfort and familiarity within The Catholic Church (
as an institution). At least once a week I have an opportunity to tune out the external noise and chaos of life as a father of five, and loose myself in the familiar and traditional rituals of the Catholic Mass.
I acknowledge that these rituals (
the standing, sitting, knelling, and repetitious prayers) may not be for everyone. It is likely that some (
maybe most) people do not understand why we do the things we do (
I can not explain them all myself), but being a creature of habit (
desperate for stability) I have (
personally) found those familiar and traditional rituals help (
forgive my use of cliché) "bring me back to where I want to be" and help "center myself”. As a father of five, “time” is something of a premium. Participation in those familiar and traditional rituals afford me a small window of opportunity to reset my priorities. I can take the time to reflect upon the previous week, and focus on navigating around the impending obstacles of the upcoming week. I emerge from mass feeling re-energized to take on life with an emphasis on positive principals such as respect, dignity, honor, peace, acceptance, honesty leaving behind the negative.
Admittedly, while I have a strong sense of faith in my life, I am not what you would consider an “overly religious” fellow. I am sure that while some may be surprised by this fact and others may not - I struggle with some of the minutia, “rules”, and viewpoints of the Church. I tend to be selective on which of these items are “important” to me, and which ones I am able (
or allow myself) to overlook. Does that make me a bad Catholic? I don’t know.
One of my favorite movie quotes is from the movie Trading Places where a “secular” character named Coleman (dressed as a Catholic priest and speaking with a stereotypical Irish accent) offers another character a sip of Irish whisky from his flask. The recipient replies “No thank you, it’s against my religion”. Colman then comes back with the unexpected (yet memorable) quote “Religion is a good thing I say, taken in moderation”. Of course the irony (and humoristic contrast) here is that this is said by a religious figure.
What I do know is that I try (
and try hard) to follow what I see as the core values and principles of Jesus Christ. Call me a sinner (
or a bad Catholic) if you wish (
Matthew 7:1), but in the end I’d rather be judged a honest, compassionate and forgiving man who ate a bowl of cereal before mass than a deceitful, underhanded, and dishonest man who fasts one hour before mass.
This is where things get complex. In a confusing and unexplainable contradiction, while I struggle with the “fast before mass” rule, I find inspiration in the Lenten fast. Why is it that?? Why can I find inspiration while fasting for forty days of Lent, but not for the one hour before weekly mass?
I wish I was able to discern and tell you why I believe the things I believe, and why I find fulfillment in the things that I do, but I can not. I can not even explain them to myself, let alone try to explain them to others.
What I can say, without hesitation, is that that it feels right, and it feels good to do so.
So I continue living what could probably be described as a life of strong faith as a moderate Catholic – struggling to understand the things I do not, while finding fulfillment in the things I do,
See what I mean?? Personal, complex, contradictory, and (
often) unexplainable… But in the end, isn’t that what faith is all about? About believing in something intangible, abstract, and elusive? Believing in something that you can not prove, even to yourself?
I have (
for quite some time now) wanted to document my personal journey of faith. How I became who I am today in an attempt to try and understand my faith. I started by doing just that. I sat down, and wrote out my personal journey of faith. Not so much the abstract thoughts and ideas that this post is full of, but moreover the plain and simple facts. The unarguable facts that may or may not have contributed to what my faith and beliefs are all about today.
Originally, this was not going to be something that ended up on Father of Five. It was to be for personal fulfillment. As I processed my thoughts, and started putting it down I paper – I decided that I would post my journey. I would open up and share my faith. I know people choose to “evangelize” by sharing their journey. That is not my mission. I am not writing these posts to convert. I am not writing these posts to persuade. I am not writing these posts to influence. I
AM writing these posts (
first and foremost) for myself.
Writing this series of posts has been daunting to say the least. I have spent hours writing, deleting, reworking, starting, stopping, and restarting, repeatedly. Each time I decide to abandon the project, something has drawn me back to it. I have struggled with finding the time to dedicate to this project, and (
when I have found the time) I have struggled with the mechanics of putting words to the thoughts that best express my sentiments. This is a simplistic view at best. I do not want anyone walking away from this series thinking that I have shared (
or that they now know) everything there is to know about my faith and beliefs. It’s just not that simple.
I will leave the comments open on this series of posts. I only ask that any comments, questions, links, forwards, and discussion be tolerant and respectful – as I would if you were talking about your faith.
Coming soon…
A Journey of Faith Part 2 – The Early Years.