"One Man's Wilderness"
By Sam Keith
The the story of Dick Proenneke.
Who is Dick Proenneke? CLICK HERE, HERE, HERE, heck... Dick Proenneke (Alaskan Adventurer) is ALL OVER THE WEB!
To properly enjoy this book I need a cool, calm, and quiet setting while I read (much like the setting of the book). That rarely happens at home, and seldom happens at work... I'll wait for a set of days off in January or February where I can have a day or two of some peace and quiet...
I was turned on to this book by when PBS aired three specials on Alaska. The first one called "Alone in the Wilderness" (The story of Dick Proenneke - and documentary about this book), the second (I forget the title - but I will find and add here) is about the Alaskan Wilderness, and the Narrator does a lot of flying over the wilderness in special plane, and the third "Grizzly Man" The story of Timothy Tredwell (another Alaskan Adventurer and bear enthusiast). If you have not had the opportunity to see Grizzly Man - I highly recommend it! It contains an adventure story with some underlying humor in it (you will have to see it to understand) and the captivating beauty of the Alaskan wilderness... Once you start it's hard to look away.
The Headboard, Dresser and Mirror, and as of tonight the Bunk Bed sold...
- - - - - - -
One other small project I have undertaken.
I had a old unused 120 gig hard drive laying around in a USB enclosure. I have been cleaning that drive up, and (although I do have some done already) I am taking my whole collection of CD's (about 160) and converting them over to MP3, and then storing them (as backups) on the USB hard drive. I have also backed up all my family photos onto this USB drive too!
I ordered a GE Simon 3 system. It seems to be one of the more versital, and DIY friendly systems out there.
It's kind of "odd" though, it that the user interface is all verbal. It is programed thru voice commands rather that having an LCD screen. I am not sure if I will like that or not, but from the reviews I have read so far, people seem to like it.
PRODUCT DATA SHEET
Footprints in the snow and frost (and the fact that they put my lighted Christmas deer in a "compromising" position) indicated that they were at my home too. I normally leave for work in the dark, so (at the time) I had no idea this had happened. Even after my neighbor called me, I still had no idea if they had entered my garage (and / or home) because I had not thought to look for anything out of place. Like I said though, it was dark outside, and hard to see if anything was disturbed. A call to my wife (after she returned from church) verified that indeed all was well at our home, except for our deer having been forced to copulate against their (and our) wishes.
Because of my job, I am familiar with what alarms do and (more importantly) what they do not do. I know they wont result in an intruder's arrest, but they will limit the time an intruder can be in my home before someone checks into the alarm. There are also options for some "covert surveillance", and a chance at capturing an image of the "soon to be chipped" burglar. I guess it's all about how "paranoid" I want to become, and how much that paranoia is going to cost me.
I am a pretty handy guy, so I have decided to install my own system rather than getting the "Free" alarm from one of the nationally know companies. I can contract out my own alarm monitoring at $108.00 a year from a national monitoring company, and would then also OWN my system. Homeowners who have a monitoring company install their alarm, frequently pay up to 30.00 a month (with up to a three year contract) for service. Those systems are "proprietary", so you can only have their company monitor the system, and if you try to make changes, or want to stop the service, they remotely "lock the system down" rendering it useless. They then can come in and remove the system when and if they so choose. If (on the other hand) I install my own system, and (for whatever reason) I did not want the system monitored, I could quit the monitoring, and have a working "on site only" alarm system.
I am starting research now, so watch here for updates, and maybe even a future "series" on the alarm!
So... Until next time, keep those woodchippers warmed up and ready-to-run!
Holiday Eating Tips.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.
Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like fine single-malt scotch, it's rare. In fact, it's even rarer than single-malt scotch. You can't find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnog-alcoholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!
If something comes with gravy, take it! That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy . Eat the volcano. Repeat.
As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.
Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?
Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's.
You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This isthe time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.
If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.
Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?
Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.
One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Re-read tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner.
Remember this motto to live by:
"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, cigar in one hand, a drink in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!" .
Have a great holiday season!
Enjoy... I know I enjoyed writing it.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Part 1 - Sacrifices
I (for the most part) ramble on here about being the father of five, and all the fun associated with that. Today, I am going to talk about an example of why being a father of five can (at times) be a real sacrifice.
Two days ago, I got a call from my friend Ed. Ed was going to be in the Twin Cities for the weekend, and was going to get in one last pheasant hunting trip this year. I was extended an invitation, and (even though very busy) my schedule looked like I could adjust things around enough so that I could squeeze in a morning hunt.
If I wanted to go (which after my last work-week I probably NEEDED more than I wanted) I would need to get quite a few family or "father-of-five" related tasks completed. (Because of my work schedule next week, I have no choice to be completely ready for Christmas by Tuesday evening. I have no time home (except sleep - and that is even severely limited) between Wednesday morning and Christmas Eve Day after 4pm.). I spent all Saturday running my tail off, just trying to keep up. Each stop set me further and further behind. As evening approached, I was unable to complete the tasks I needed to finish, nor had I even have a chance to get a pheasant stamp. Game Over - Pheasant hunting was out of the running.
Telling Ed that I was going to have to cancel was one of thoes difficult, but unavoidable parts of being a "Father-of-Five".
That leads me to Part 2
Part 2 - The friend of a lifetime.
Friends, let me make one Christmas wish for all of you. My Christmas wish for everyone is that they can have a friend in their life as good as my friend Ed.
Ed has been more than a friend to me over the years - Ed has been my brother. Back in the day Ed and I were inseparable. Wherever Ed was, I could be found, and wherever I was, Ed could be found. I'd like to quote you part of my speech from Ed and Jodi's wedding...
"When I tell stories of the things I have done, places I have been, and the people I have met, more often than not, that story starts out with "Yeah, was this one time that me and Ed... We ah...", from there the people, places and things all change, but there is always that one constant... "Me and Ed..." We've been through thick and thin together. There isn't much we haven't encountered at one time or another, and he has always been there for me -regardless. Let me tell you, friends like this come along only once in a lifetime, and I consider myself lucky to have Ed as that friend in my life."
When I was younger, and thinking about how my life would turn out, being the "father of five" was NOT part of that plan. My plan involved a lot more hanging out with Ed & friends, hunting, fishing, camping, and outdoor stuff, but (honestly) with the responsibilities that come with my family, it would be (and embarrassingly, has been) all to easy to pass on the opportunities to enjoy these things.
Ed has (over the years) NEVER given up on me. I have made, and then had to break plans. I have been unable to accept his inventions more times that I even care to think about. I am always worried that Ed will finally "give up" on his pathetic friend (me) and just "move on" to someone who is more "available".
I am so thankful that this has never happened. Ed is always trying to keep me involved (for which I thank him more than he will ever realize) in these things that we both enjoy so much, and he is so accepting when it happens that I am unable to attend. He has such a great way of balancing his "peer pressure" trying to get me to join him, and "acceptance" of when I am unable to join him.
This weekend was a perfect example of one of these times, and why I am so lucky to have a lifelong friend like Ed in my life...
Ed - (I know you are reading this), I want to thank you for being the greatest friend a guy could ask for. I want to thank you for not giving up on me over all these years. I wanted to thank you for being that "devil on my shoulder" that gives me a little "balance" between the old me, and what I have become over the years, while still respecting who I am now (as a father of five).
You are the greatest, and this one (my lifelong friend) is dedicated to you! I Thank you more than you will ever understand.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
The good news is I do not believe I did any permanent damage (like a herniated esophagus) two nights ago. Today I feel no more pain or pressure unless I start to laugh or cough, and was indeed able to eat solid food last night. We had pancakes (not just for breakfast anymore), which are pretty soft, but also pretty "pasty", so they went down with a lot of milk... They made it down without a hitch... It still hurts when I laugh, so I think I may have stressed my rib cage from the prolonged, yet useless attempts at vomiting, but that is a yet an untold story. So, without further ado, let me tell you about the evening I spent in "Hell on Earth"...
Be warned, there are some graphic descriptions of bodily functions... Continue at your own risk...
On Tuesday, after work, I had a few hours to "kill". I had talked to Michele, and (because I was already up in the metro area) I was going to shop for some specific Christmas gifts that we have not yet been able to find. I was not far from the Mall of America, so (for the first time in about a year) I decided to look for the gifts there. I had stopped into two different stores looking for the items, but neither had any left in stock. I started wandering that behemoth of a mall, stopping in a couple of other stores trying to locate an "alternative" gift idea. I knew I would not be home until 10 PM, so I decided that I was going to stop and get a bite to eat.
Before I go on any further, I need to fill you in on a couple of other little tidbits. Back (before I was married) when I lived in Mankato, and worked at "Minnesota Warehouse Furniture", I worked with a guy who liked to get lunch from "Long John Silver's". Long John Silver's (hereafter refereed to as LJS) is a fast-food seafood place. We used to get it about once a week, and I got to quite like it. When we moved away from Mankato and back to the metro area, I lost access to LJS, as there was none in the area that I lived. Only once in the next five years did we make it back to Mankato, and while in Mankato we did stop at LJS for lunch. It did taste good, but it was much less impressive than I remembered. By the end of the meal, I did not feel well, and thought that it would be my last visit LJS. Fast forward five years, while visiting my sister, and my sister-in-law, in Dallas Texas, I foun d a LJS, and insisted we have lunch there. Again, the food tasted good, but not as good as I remembered it from last time (which you may remember, was not as good as the time before that - So, let's say the food was "ok"...) I ate way too much, and got "hung up", so I told myself and my wife that I just had my last LJS meal. Fast forward another five years, and you will find me shopping for a Christmas Gift at the Mall of America on 12-12-06...
As I walked around the Mall, I remembered that a LJS had opened in one of the food courts. Seeing as I was alone, and hungry, and the last LJS's experience was five years behind me, I decided that it was time to give LJS another chance.
I spent an unusually long time trying to decided what to have. I like their "fish plank", and LOVE their clams, I do not care for the chicken, and could not care less about the fries. The cole slaw is pretty good, and of course I like a bite or two of the "hush puppies" that they give out with each meal, (but never eat both of them). After much debate, and keeping in mind that I have been trying to eat a little healthier, I decided on the clam plate and pass on the "add-on" plank of fish.
I ate, without issue, but did notice about half way thru my meal that I had not yet touched my beverage. This could cause a problem, but since it had not yet, I was not too worried about it (the food is greasy enough). I did have a few sips at this point, but continued finishing my dinner. I was now getting that feeling of having eaten too much, yet I had not eaten all that much (nor had I drank much beverage). The "volume" of what I had eaten was not all that great, and so decided that it was time to be finished. I started feeling unusually "warm". I took my tray to the trash and threw it in, keeping the beverage with me to finish. I had taken another two sips before I started feeling seriously ill, like I had eaten WAY too much. I felt like I was going to vomit. I tossed the beverage in the trash (knowing that I would never be able to finish it anyway) and started walking around the Mall, thinking that a walk would do me some good (exercise, and settling my dinner).
As I walked I could feel my esophagus start to contract and within minutes, I was in a full blown Shatzki's Ring attack (only this time I had not felt the ring start to close up, and I had an esophagus full of pasty greasy clams, french fries, and a hush puppy. Within minutes the pain was so excruciating, I could not even walk. I found a bench to sit at for a couple of minutes. People were looking at me as they walked by as if they could tell something was wrong. After a few minutes, I got up and walked as far as I could to another bench, and had to sit down before I collapsed. I hop-scotched my way around the Mall like this until I got to the other food court. There I sat at a table, and tried to relax. By this time I could hardly stand the pain. I decided I was going to try and push whatever blockage was in the way down with water (like I usually do). I got up, and tried to drink some water, but that got me no where. I could not get the water down, and the waves of pain, and the heat I was feeling was quite frankly - overwhelming. STRIKE ONE.
I stepped into the restroom to wash my face, and in the mirror starring back at me was the most pasty white, sweaty thing I had ever seen. It was no wonder people were looking at me. I looked ill. I went back out and found a quiet table to sit down at, which I did. As I sat and tried to relax the waves of pain kept coming, and kept getting stronger. I at one point (while not actually crying) had tears welling up in my eyes from the pain. I noticed a Mall Housekeeping employee watching me as he was cleaning tables. He was quite a few tables away from me, but kept watching me as he cleaned his table. Fearful this guy would talk to me, or worse yet, call security, the police and an ambulance, I got up to try the water trick again... STRIKE TWO.
I again returned to the table, and tried to relax as the waves of now crushing pain came and went. The housekeeping guy was now much closer, and still looking at me like there was something wrong. He kept washing tables closer and closer, and looked like he wanted to ask me something, but I just kept putting my head down. Within a few minutes, this guy was right next to me, cleaning a table and garbage can next to my table. He was washing the table behind him, facing me as he did so. I was now in so much pain, sweating like a banshee, and had this guy creeping me out. One more attempt at the water trick... STRIKE THREE.
I was outta there. This was going from bad to worse, and very quickly. Now I have debilitating waves of pain, sweat pouring down my face, a pasty white complexion, and now an esophagus full of food, and water that wanted to "evacuate" itself (if you know what I mean). I was not about to vomit at the Mall of America in front of God and everyone, so I decided I was going to (as quickly as I could) make my way to my car, and then try and lay the seat back and relax a bit. This way, I could vomit out into the parking lot, and not have so many people around, nor would it be a difficult "clean up".
As I made it around the mall (bench to bench), I started having to "spit" into garbage cans. My mouth was producing copious amounts of saliva (in an attempt to try and lubricate whatever was blocking my esophagus - this is a frequent occurrence during a Shatzki's Ring attack), but there was no room for it to go. My mouth was filling with saliva, so I had to keep getting rid of it. I tried to only use garage cans that were not in direct site of people. As I made it to the entrance, I was sure I would not make it to my car before vomiting, but that would be ok because (at least) I was now out in the parking ramp. As I made it to my car, I was in desperate need to just lay down and relax. I walked to my car, and did not notice the vehicle slowly following behind me. When I reached my car, and climbed in I noticed the guy with the blinker on waiting for me to pull out of my parking spot. This was not the stress I need ed at this point, so rather than just sit in my car, I would pull out, and go find an empty parking lot to vomit in, and then try to relax.
As I drove thru the parking ramp at the Mall, I have never been so close to vomiting. I actually at one point was grasping at my throat in an attempt to keep from vomiting in the car. I got stuck at the signal to exit the Mall of America property, but finally made the turn to Killebrew Drive, and got into the left turn to go NB on 24th. It was here that holding back my own esophagus of bile started to overtake me. I could now taste it, and was actually making gagging noises. Worse yet, when the light should have turned green, it did not because MTC's Light Rail Train crossed the intersection. The train caused the signals to go back and reopen opposite traffic patterns, and keeping me sitting at my red light. After the first train passed, just before the light turned green for me, another train (going back from where the first train came from) entered the intersection, causing another light cycle to be missed a second time.
When I finally made the turn, it struck me that the pressure from holding back vomit was actually stronger than pain caused by my esophagus contracting, and that is not an easy feat... let me tell you. I make my way into the abandoned "Kelly" parking lot, pulled up to a patch of overgrown weeds that have come up thru the pavement, opened the car door, leaned over, and.... made some useless dry heaving sounds. Nothing. I try again, and again, and again... Over and over... Nothing coming up. Oh, it's still all there, I can feel it.. But nothing is making a hasty exit. I try and relax for a few minutes, and go back to the ol' dry-heaves. Still nothing. Thinking perhaps the blockage made it past the Shatzki's Ring, I take a sip of soda, and... feel that bubbling in my esophagus - not going anywhere... With new fluids in my throat, I start to think that I can now "prime the vomiting pump" and try again... and a gain... and again... Nothing.
Now I start to worry about Mall Security (who patrol this parking lot) or the Bloomington Police (who also patrol this lot) may be showing up at anytime now. God knows - for reasons that some of my readers will understand, and others will not - I DID NOT want a Bloomington Police Officer to come out here and watch me vomit... That would just be too "over the top". If you don't understand why, do not bother asking... Just aint' gonna go there....
Feeling the pressure of MOA Security and the Police, I decided to make an exit from this lot, find another and continue the task at hand. I left the Kelly lot, heading east. The road I was driving on turned into the entrance to the 28th Ave LRT Station. Again, knowing what I know about this parking lot, I decided that this lot (Patrolled by the Bloomington Police, and the Metropolitan Transit Police) was another place to NOT try vomiting. I made my way back out of the LRT lot. As you exit the LRT lot, there is a signal light. I am stopped at the red light (waiting for it to turn green), when I hear the familiar ding-ding-ding sounds of the rail crossing arms drop down. The red light I am sitting at does not turn green, and now I can see the LRT coming down the tracks. After only one missed red light cycle, I was back on my way. Driving back down past the Kelly lot, not knowing where to g o next, and having that "vomits" pressure in my throat, I decided to pull back into the Kelly lot. I went back to "my" spot, and went thru the whole process again... (Door, lean, wretch, lean, wretch, lean, wretch). I had more than I could take by this point, and so I tried the old reliable "finger down the back of your throat" trick. (Warning.. here's where it will get icky). Over and over, I gagged myself. My stomach, diaphragm, rib cage, and esophagus all ached, but I was still not getting anything up. Over, and over, again, and again until finally I started choking up (not vomiting) bile. It was my esophagus full of my own saliva, with a dash of other bits sprinkled in. I kept at this until nothing more came up (about a dozen tries), and decided now was the time to make a hasty retreat.
If you are not familiar with this area, see the link "The Scene of the Crime" on the bottom of this post.
I was feeling a little better, but drained. I was so exhausted, and sweaty, and hot - then cold - then hot again. I drove away from the Mall, aimlessly not knowing where to go next. I knew I needed to stretch the seat out, lay down, and relax a bit - but I needed somewhere I could do this. I took another sip of soda, and could feel that the pop was either sitting in, or only just barley draining from my esophagus. I found my way to the parking lot where I work, pulled in behind a large trailer, laid the seat back and laid there relaxing. I could actually feel the Shatzki's Ring starting to relax a bit, and because there was nothing left in the esophagus, the pain was now significantly reduced. After an hour I again tried a drink of soda. Feeling pretty good that the soda was (at least) slowing passing the Shatzki's Ring, I headed out to pick up my son.
After picking him up, and taking him home, I made my way home. I still just felt terrible, and was hoping that a night's sleep would relax me enough that I would awake feeling much better in the morning.
Wendsday morning, I was still feeling tightness and a slight discomfort in the sternum area, so I decided I was not going to eat at all that day. Honestly, I was afraid to. I had one can of Mountain Dew, and I was so cautious with that, it took me 8 hours to drink it.
By dinner time Wednsday night, I was so hungry that I was going to attempt trying some soft foods for dinner. My wife had planned pancakes. I very carefully tried just one with lots of milk, and when that one went down, I had another. It appeared that my esophagus was now back open again.
It was not really until 2 AM Thursday morning (when I had to get up for work) that I really felt like things were back to normal. Oh, yes - it still hurts a little bit when I laugh, or cough, but I'll call it a 95% recovery so far, and that - I am happy with.
From the time I sat down to eat (when this whole debacle started on Tuesday night), until the time I felt it was not affecting me anymore (Thursday morning) made for a 33 hour ordeal. Of those 33 hours, I would say I felt the effects of this for 27 hours, and of the 27 hours of feeling effects, about 3 hours were completely horrific - with the remaining 24 spent in discomfort, feeling anxiety and fear.)
I am making this vow to myself, to my wife and family, to you (my faithful readers), and to the rest of the world (any casual one-time readers). Even though I do not blame Long John Silver's food for doing this to me, and even though I give the food an "o.k." rating (and I am sure sometime in the next 5 years, I'll get a "craving")...
Now... Since this ordeal is all over, and documented... I can get past it...
Thanks for listening!
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
"The scene of the crime"
When I was younger I would call it "food stuck in my throat". I later called it "getting hung up". I grew up watching my dad suffer through his attacks. He would sit at the table, not finish eating, frequently writhe in pain and then after a while would have to get up from the table, and use the bathroom to do whatever he does to try and halt the attack.
The pain can be excruciating, and is debilitating. At it's worst, trying to do ANYTHING is next to impossible. I want to claw open my chest cavity to relieve the pressure. It feels like the area just beneath your sternum is going to explode. It burns, and contracts with waves of pain and then relief, pain and then relief again. This can go on for hours. I turn pale, and sweat - not just "glistening" sweat, but "beads of water running down my face", and "wet hair" sweat. I would say my "average" attack lasts somewhere between 60-90 minutes.
I never really knew what this "officially" was until it hospitalized my father, and he was diagnosed and treated for it.
What is this horrible condition? It is called several things. Like I said, I call it "getting hung up", I have heard it called "steakhouse syndrome", but is officially known as a Schatzki's Ring. What is a Schatzki's Ring? Well, long story short... A Schatzki's Ring is a fibrous muscular ring that sits at the top of the stomach where the esophagus attaches. It will at times constrict, causing a partial or full blockage of the esophagus, sometimes catching and holding food in it's clutches, and other times just causing enough blockage to create a problem. Thankfully I have never had a problem with food getting caught in the ring, or had a full blockage. My problem comes from eating food that is too dry, or not having enough fluids with my meal. If whatever goes down my throat is not "slipery" enough, it will irritate my Schatzki's Ring, and cause it to start to constrict. Mixed nuts, Peanut butter, and anything "pasty" will almost always bring on an episode. I have also found that some foods can irritate the ring, and bring on the contractions. Acid in a lot of fresh fruits frequently bring on an episode. As long as I have had something to eat just before and have a little something after fruit, it's not too bad. Strong alcoholic drinks will also cause my Schatzki's Ring to constrict. I have to eat something with, or mix my drinks weaker. Shots will frequently cause me problems. As long as it's just liquid I am ingesting, it's not too bad, but when I am eating, and the ring constricts, my esophagus will then constrict in waves trying to push the food into the stomach, against the already constricted Schatzki's ring. Picture (if you will) the act of milking a cow - only at the bottom of the utter, there is no opening. You just keep starting at the top, and squeezing downward trying to squeeze out whatever is there, and having no where to go.
I consider myself lucky. I am fortunate in that I can actually start to feel the ring constrict, and I have (over the years) discovered methods to minimize, reduce or even sometimes eliminate the condition from the first signs of symptoms. When this happens, I have about 30 seconds to "force" whatever is in my esophagus down before the ring tightens. This is done by drinking a large amount of fluid - hard and fast! It HURTS LIKE HELL when I do it, and sometimes I have to swallow (the same fluid) two or three times as it will not always go down (due to the partial blockage), but eventually I can use fluid pressure (much like a toilet plunger) to force whatever is in my esophagus down into my stomach before the ring is too tight. Then as my esophagus contracts against the ring, there is no food present to cause any significant pressure, and the pain is noticeably reduced. With food present, I would put the pain a 7 of 10. With an empty esophagus the pain is about a 3 out of 10, and I can usually still just go about my daily business. (It's more like a bad case of heartburn.)
I have for years teased my dad about how "not a big deal" this is, and how he needs to learn how to just gulp fluids until it has cleared itself. He tells me that he cant do that, and how he needs to just sit, relax and let it work itself out. I shake my head, and continue on my day in disbelief.
For more information about Schatzki's Ring, visit...
Well... Last night, this all changed. I had the worst Schatzki Ring attack that I have ever had the displeasure of living through. In fact, nineteen hours later, and I can still feel the constricted ring. As I type this, I have what I would call a "discomfort" that I would put at about a 1.5 out of 10 on the pain scale, and frankly, I am scared to try and eat anything "solid". I have been slowly drinking fluids, and so I know that there is not a full blockage. I am not sure if the pain I am feeling is a constricted ring, herniated esophagus, or just pain from a sore rib cage after the (nearly 30 minutes) of useless attempted vomiting... Either way, it is not pleasant.
Yesterday's events deserve their own post, but will create a post that is much too big if combined with this one. So, watch for the upcoming full story on yesterday's Schatzki episode...
THINGS I HAVE LEARNED FROM MY BOYS (HONEST AND NOT KIDDING):
- A king-size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.
- If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
- A 3-year-boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
- If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42-pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20 x 20 ft. room.
- You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way. The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
- When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh," it's already too late.
- Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
- A six-year-old boy can start a fire with a flint rock, even though a 36-year-old man says they can do it only in the movies.
- Certain Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a 4 year old boy.
- Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.
- Super glue is forever.
- No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.
- Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
- VCRs do not eject "PB & J" sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.
- Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
- Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
- You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.
- Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like hot ovens.
- The fire department in Austin, TX, has a 5-minute response time.
- The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy. It will, however, make cats dizzy. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
We have had some recent changes in the house, as my wife took a part-time job, and is spending time (on the weekends) working.
This has given me more time to spend alone with the kids, and (nothing against my wife) I am enjoying it. When she is home, she is the first choice in reading books, fixing hair, helping with schoolwork, and tucking into bed. When she is not there the kids "have to" have Dad do these things...
Dad is enjoying his time with his kids! (Yet he still misses having his wife there with him too.)
I had plans this weekend to go to the 14th Annual St. Paul Ice Fishing and Winter Sports Show with a friend, but because of changes (due to Michele's new job) I was forced to cancel.
The other thing that has been occupying my time in the past week is a book.
Recently "The DaVinci Code" was released on DVD. I had not seen it in the theater (as a movie), nor had I yet read the book yet. Well, now that the movie is out on DVD, I am looking forward to seeing it. I have always preferred to read a book prior to seeing the matching movie, as I get to use my imagination while reading. Seeing the movie first always takes something away from the reading experience. I have spent my spare time (last week) reading the book, and am within a day of finishing up.
If you have not yet read it, I highly recommend it!